Singing a Song

Oh, heeeeey blog.

I've actually been meaning to blog about this for awhile. Not sure why I haven't. Maybe it's because I've been extremely insecure about it. Maybe it's because I wasn't sure if I wanted to put it out there. It's nothing embarrassing or something of that nature. As I've said before, this is more a journal for me if anything, so I'm blogging about this and if it's only for reference, I can be down with that.

Here it is, 25 months after giving birth and I'm almost finally back to the way I was before I became pregnant. Of course, I had heard that you'd never really be the same after you gave birth and all that stuff, but I figure that everyone was referring to the way my body would look. I think that point is completely accepted by every woman that gets pregnant. Sure enough, while I feel great, my body has changed and I'll never be the same. I have to say though, I'd rather have the body I do now, than go back to the body I had then.

However, I had never really heard much about your voice changing after you give birth. You guys, it's a thing.

It's been awhile since I've done a lot of singing in a theatrical sense, although I hope to have the chance to do it again. It helped that I have a calling where I sing for almost two hours a week with kids, but I like singing in my car, in church, to myself and whatever. I first noticed that something was up when I was sitting in bed with my few-days-old newborn and tried to sing the theme song to "The Brady Bunch". Don't judge, we had been watching it at night and it was in my head. As soon as I opened my mouth, it's like my vocal chords constricted and I couldn't get a sound out. It was the weirdest thing! I had come down with a little cold, so I figured it was just taking it's toll.

Fast forward a couple weeks. I had taken a little maternity leave from my calling and as much as I missed it, I was glad I did. It took me almost an entire six weeks to be able to function on my own after having Lucy. My voice was still horrible! I could talk, but still could barley sing anything without my voice cracking or just stopping entirely. I called my OB because there was an area on my back that felt dead and I was concerned about it, so with that and wondering what the heck happened to my voice, I felt I could question. Sidenote- with the epidural and spinal block done on me, I lost some feeling in my back. I'll never get it back. Something else they don't tell you.

So, after a long conversation and tears, I found out with all those crazy hormone changes, your voice can change after pregnancy. There is was. My voice had changed. It was lower and I squeaked a lot when I got excited. This was hard for me. Singing is a big part of me and I could barley get a lullaby out for my baby. It was sad, I was angry and upset. I tried to stretch my range, but had no success. It was harder when I finally went back to Primary and couldn't sing with the kids and when I did my voice cracked so terribly, it was hard to hide.

I've always been the type that feels comfortable singing in church, but my confidence was shaken terribly! I tried to sing a little every day when I was along, trying my hardest to stretch my range back to what it was. My nephew was returning home from his mission and his sister organized a musical number for us to sing in church and asked if I'd like to sing with her, her sister and my sister-in-law. I agreed, but when it sunk in and when I realized that I couldn't sing like I used to, panic set it. I practiced every day, but there were still notes I couldn't hit beautifully. With lots of prayers, I was able to sing and feel good about it.

Anyways, to make this long story a little shorter, I feel like I'm finally back. My belt isn't as strong as it used to be, but Lucy is helping me get there. She's a great belter! We sing in the morning, we sing in the car, we sing along with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, we sing while we're getting in bed, and I'm sure she sings while she's dreaming.

I'm not sure if I have a point to end on with this blog. This little experience really shook me after being pregnant. I thought stuff like that ended with pregnancy. I can say this- stuff in life sucks and some things are shocking, but I think when you look around and realize what you would have to give up to have things back to normal, or what you though was normal, you wouldn't in a million years.

Lucy is awesome! She's my mini me, my baby girl. I would give my voice back a thousand times if it means I could have Lucy.