Dear Lucy

My beautiful baby girl,

I think it's about time that I write down what happened on the day you were born. It'll be fun to look back and remember that day because it changed everything in mine and your daddy's life. You tie being the best thing that's ever happened to me, the tie going to meeting and marrying your dad. Already you have such a little personality- you're sweet, so loving and you love people! Wall-E and Lambert have warmed up to you, which was something I was really worried about. We got them almost exactly one year before your were born and they were my babies before you came. Lambert likes to rest at my feet and under your bed. He doesn't have much to do with you and doesn't like it when you cry, but Wall-E has really bonded with you. He likes to lick your feet and becomes very concerned when you cry. If I'm not in the direct vicinity of where you are when you cry, Wall-E will start barking and running around the house trying to find me to alert me that you're upset. They love you, but who can blame them? Everyone loves you!

You were born on a very cold February night. February 1st, to be exact. It was a Friday and I was going to see the dr for the last time before you were going to come. You see, you were due on February 12th, but I was dilating and effacing sooner than anticipated, so I was scheduled to be induced on February 6th. I was surprised that I made it that long! It seems like the day after I found out I was pregnant with you, I got very, very sick. I never left the house for anything but work because I was throwing up all the time. I lived through about 4 months of bad sickness, but knowing you were in there and healthy made it a little more bearable. Things were great until the week before Thanksgiving. I went in for a test to check my glucose levels- basically, at a certain time in pregnancy, you can develop something called Gestational Diabetes. They drew my blood and had it tested and it came back high. I was informed that I would have to come back in a week to have my blood drawn four times to do more extensive testing. We had that test done on Friday and on Monday I got the news and was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. This was really hard for me to hear. Even though I had been eating more than usual, I was still exercising and eating healthy. I hadn't gained a lot of weight, so I was perplexed and very scared. Again, the diagnosis came and a week later was Thanksgiving. It was hard to have to learn about portions and labels- things I had never even thought about before. I had to test my blood sugar six times a day, but as I got better I only had to test four times every day. I was told to expect you to come very early and that you'd be big, but underdeveloped. This is a lot for anyone to take in, but for me, I felt very helpless. I decided on the day that I learned more about this condition that I would do everything I could to make sure that you were as healthy as possible.

So, I went to the last Dr appt. I had been contracting irregularly for about a week and a half and was praying that relief would come. The last few weeks before you were born, my blood pressure started getting higher and higher with each appt. I did everything I could to lower it on my own without medication, but there was nothing I could do. As we were waiting to see Dr Warner, contractions started. I didn't think much of it because I had been feeling them for so long. They tested my blood pressure and it was very high- 140 something over 100 something- I don't remember the exact number. We then saw the Dr and when he went to feel your head on my tummy, he told us that he wasn't sure that your head had dropped and wanted to do an ultrasound. Sure enough, your head was at the top, near my ribcage. He then instructed us to get to the hospital as soon as possible. He thought there could be a chance that we could turn you while you were still inside of me, but we had to get to the hospital immediately. As soon as we left, I realized that I was contracting again which frightened me. They had never been so close before. Thankfully, we live a minute away from the Dr's office, so we were able to go home and grab my suitcase and head to the hospital. I gave the doggies one last kiss goodbye and got in the car. Your dad started calling the family to tell them what was going on and I started timing contractions. Five minutes apart. That REALLY frightened me! We got to the hospital and were admitted. I changed and got hooked up to the monitors just as Grandma got there. The nurse that took care of us, Dani, was so kind and I really liked her! She made me feel so much more comfortable, even though I was scared and contracting. Dr Skinner was at the hospital and came in the room to check out what was going on. He looked at the computer and saw my contractions on the monitor and saw how close they were together, so with that, my blood pressure (he diagnosed me with Preeclampsia) and the fact that you were breech, he told me that the safest thing would be to get me into the operating room as fast as we could to deliver you by c-section. The recovery would be a lot harder and I would be in the hospital for three days, but this was the safest way.

This was REALLY hard for me to hear. This was not how I imagined you would come into the world. I expected to be in labor for twenty four hours and then leave with you the next day, so this really threw me for a loop! From there, I don't remember a lot before the surgery. I was in so much pain! It consumed my entire body and I couldn't do it any longer. I closed my eyes and heard your Uncle Matt come in the room- your dad had called him to come help him give me a blessing. I closed my eyes and prayed that the pain would stop- did I mention that it hurt?? Anyways, almost as soon as they finished, the Dr came into the room and told me it was time.

I've never been so scared in my life. They wheeled me into the operating room which was really cold! They propped me up and gave me a spinal block and an epidural which hurt, too! As they laid me back down and put the curtain up by my face, some of the nurses were telling me that they had the NICU staff there waiting to evaluate her and to possibly take her. Their biggest fear was that her blood sugar levels would be too low/high and her lungs would be underdeveloped. Let me tell you, even though it was a scary situation, I could not have been happier with Dr Warner and Dr Skinner! I loved having them deliver you- they kept the mood light and joked around with your dad. They also talked to me during the procedure and it really helped keep my mind off of how scared I was. Not too long into the operation I heard one of them say that they could see you. Your dad was watching the operation and was telling me bits about it and the Dr's kept saying that you'd be here soon. Unfortunately, you got a little stuck. Guess you didn't want to come out just yet! They finally popped you out and I heard you cry.

I had dreamed about this moment for a long time, longer than I had been pregnant or even married. I had always thought about what it would be like to have you, to hear you cry, to hold you. I looked over to the left and saw you, all bundled up, crying, so naturally, I started crying. I told Dad to go with you in case they took you away to the NICU. He left with you as they cleaned you off and I could hear you scream. All I cared about was you and I called out to one of the nurses and asked her how you were doing, how big you were, if you were okay. She told me that she'd let your dad tell me and that he'd be out shortly. After that, I passed out on the table. Turns out, having a c-section is exhausting! I don't know how long I had been asleep, but I opened my eyes and you were there with your dad. I asked him if you were okay, how big you were, if anything was wrong. Because you were breech, you had a dent on the right side of your head and you had what is called reverse club foot, where your left foot was perfectly turned out to a right angle. You're already my little dancer. :) When I asked how big you were, I got the shock of my life- 6lbs even. 6lbs?!?! For real?? I had been prepared to hear that you'd be closer to 10 lbs. My perfect little 6lbs, 17 inch long baby girl. Your lungs were so strong and your blood sugar levels were so good you had nothing to do with the NICU.

After they stitched me up, they came and laid you down on my chest. You were so tiny! I was so afraid that any sudden movements would break you. You were so warm and cuddled right up to me. I've never felt such an instant bond to anything in my life. You were mine. My perfect baby. They wheeled us to our room where we met back up with Grandma. She had to wait in there since we were only allowed one person in the operating room. She held you and rocked you and before I knew it, it was time to go downstairs to our other room. We were wheeled down and dad took you to the nursery and watched you get your first bath while Grandma stayed and talked with me. After you got back, Grandma kissed you goodbye and went home. Dad stayed with us for a few more hours and then went home around midnight to get some rest. I couldn't sleep that night. I kept you with me for most of the night. You fed like a champ- we didn't need any help in that department! They would come and take you away for blood sugar tests every four hours and I could hear you scream while they pricked you for blood. I sobbed every time I heard you cry. Like, uncontrollable sobbing! I was so relieved when they would bring you back in the room so I could hold you and comfort you.

It was really hard for me to be away from our home and your daddy for that long. I felt so scared being in a different place and I just wanted to go home. I met a really nice cleaning lady at about 5am that came in to clean my room and then stayed and visited with me when I told her that I was scared to be at the hospital alone. She was so kind!

When you are diagnosed with Preeclampsia, they give you something called Magnesium which makes all your muscles very loose and you become very lethargic. Magnesium is awful! Because I couldn't walk due to the c-section and the Magnesium making it difficult for me to control my limbs, nurses would have to come in the room and put my arms over them to help me walk and stand. This was terrible. I'm not very good at asking for help or even sometimes accepting it, so it was really hard for me to totally rely on others to take care of me. You had a bunch of visitors that next day and everyone just loved you! At around 1pm, my bag of Magnesium was low, so one of the nurses changed it out for me. She didn't ready the dosage level correctly, though, and instead of giving me two parts, she gave me twenty. It completely messed me up to the point where I couldn't even hold you anymore. I don't remember a lot from that point, but you were starving and I couldn't even hold you to feed you. One of the nurses came in and took you to the nursery to give you some formula while I took a much needed nap and your dad went home to take care of the dogs.

I really needed that sleep! As soon as I woke up, I called your dad to come back and had them bring you back to my room. We had a few more visitors that night and your dad went back home. The nurses suggested that I let you go to the nursery for just a few hours so that I could get some uninterrupted sleep, to which I agreed. At about 2am, I was suddenly awakened by screaming to which I suddenly realized was my own, and nurses rushing in the room. They pulled the blanket off of me and was the my tummy was bleeding. I had somehow stretched and pulled the stitches apart in my sleep and the morphine from the c-section had worn off. I felt more pain right then, then I did when I was in labor- THAT really hurt! They took all my clothes and bedding and had to replace it and gave me pain medication. Now that I think about it, that was Superbowl Sunday. We did not watch the Superbowl. :)

That day was pretty relaxing and I was looking forward to getting the clearance from Dr Warner to go home Monday morning. I hated being in the hospital! I wanted to go home and be somewhere that was familiar. If I didn't have any more incidents, Warner didn't see why I couldn't be released on Monday. Monday morning rolled around and I was ready to leave at 8am. I had to wait until at least 10am, though because I couldn't get my pain medication any earlier. We packed you up in your pink bear suit and in your car seat and took you home. Grandma came over and taught me how to give you a sponge bath and take care of your cord to make sure it was clean and free from infection. That first night I picked you up and cradled you every time you stirred, to which I'm a little more lenient on now. :)

You're amazing. Everything about you is so amazing. I love watching you learn. I love that your daddy can make you smile the instant you see him. You are smart, you are strong, and you are beautiful. I hope you never forget that. I'll always love you more than you'll ever know because the day you became mine, I became yours.