What's Going On With Nine Weeks Left

In some ways, I've really missed blogging. But, in others, I'm really glad that I've let my blog lay silent these last past months. I'll elaborate later.

Here I am, in the home stretch. I have nine weeks left, well, if she makes it to forty weeks, which my husband suspects that she won't. In honor of week 31, I took a picture to make up for my grumpy/sleepy picture that I posted on Facebook at week 30.

Don't look at anything but my growing belly, please. Today was quite snowy and in lieu of dolling myself up for work, I threw my hair up in a high pony and paired it with this amazing scarf. Okay, so maybe I'm talking a little too much about my outfit and should focus on the baby more...

So, there she is. My daughter is inside of there! We've already been through a lot together, more than I ever thought, especially while being pregnant. You may look at me and say what a lot of people have been saying. "You're 31 weeks! Are you sure??". Yes, I'm sure and while genetics have been kind to me in the fact that I have a very long torso, I also lost the genetic lottery in more ways that I've won.

Here's the part where I elaborate on my silence.

WARNING- This is my honest account of pregnancy. I don't want to sugar coat anything because I feel like when I get pregnant again, I'm really going to need this honesty and who better to hear it from then from myself?

Pregnancy has been the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

There, I said it.

I know that sounds terrible, but it's not in that I'm growing a human being that's going to be half of me and half of my husband that makes it terrible. I've always been really healthy, knock on wood. I was an active dancer all through high school and a few years into college. When I wasn't dancing or dancing as often, I was working out. I loved feeling fit! It seems like the week after I found out I was pregnant, the morning sickness kicked in. Now, this wasn't just morning sickness. This was crazy monster, mutant, morning sickness. Not kidding and I know it's super gross, but I had a special garbage can next to my desk at work because the urge to throw up would come so fast and strong that I wouldn't be able to run to the bathroom fast enough. It also tortured me from the moment I woke up, to the second I would fall asleep.

This lasted for close to 4 1/2 months. It was a very long 4 1/2 months. I felt terrible for my husband because we did absolutely nothing during that time. We would try to eat out every once in awhile for a date night, but I just ended up barfing and in pain. Thankfully, during this time, he had his focus on directing a few shows, so I felt good that he was out doing things as I was fast asleep the moment I got home from work to almost the time he got home.

After that rough time passed, I was doing really well! I was about twenty two weeks when I started feeling awesome all the time and it was so good. Like, cake batter ice cream from Coldstone good!

Now, during this pregnancy, I hadn't yet been experiencing many cravings. Well, there was one. Doughnuts. I LOVED doughnuts! But, at the same time, I really wanted to remain healthy because that was the most important thing to me during pregnancy, and since I had such monstrously bad heartburn and had to eat 6 small snacks throughout the day, I was really conscious about what I was putting in my body. Occasionally, I would splurge and have my doughnut.

Things were going really great (besides the heartburn), and I figured that the worst was behind me. Oh my gosh, I was so wrong.

At week 26 I went in for a glucose screening. They give you a really sugary drink and then test your blood an hour later to see how well your body holds up with that much sugar. This test is to screen for Gestational Diabetes.

I was nervous, I HATE NEEDLES SO MUCH! Days before I was to go in to do the test, I cried and cried about how scared I was. It was bad. Anyways, the day came, I did the test...and failed. The lab technician told me not to worry- lots of women fail the first time, I mean, I was doing this test two days after Halloween, of course I had a sugar overload. She gave me instructions and then told me to come back in a week to do the three hour glucose screening in which they would draw my blood four times within three hours to determine if I actually had Gestational Diabetes.

FOUR BLOOD DRAWS?!?! I almost passed out. It was bad. So, so bad!

I started sobbing in the lobby. I couldn't even hold it together long enough to walk out to the car. Thank goodness my husband was with me. I sobbed until I there wasn't enough water in me to cry any more. Double thank goodness that my husband had surprise plans to go see our friend Teri and her kid Bristol. Seriously, you can't be sad around them- they are some of the best people I've ever met!

The day of the next glucose test came, I convinced myself that it was totally fine and that helped keep me calm. Two out of the four times, the lab tech hit muscle and it hurt so bad, I'm surprised that I didn't scream. I left and they told me that my doctor would call me later with results. This went down on a Friday and I didn't hear anything until Monday. It was a very long weekend.

First thing on Monday, I got the call. My favorite lady at my OB/GYN's office called and said "I'm sorry, but you have Gestational Diabetes. We're going to do all we can to help you, though! We're going to set you up with diabetic counseling, so the hospital will give you a call to do that some time this week". That was it. That was all the info she could give me.

I fell apart. Isn't diabetes what happens when people eat too much sugar??

I called in sick that day and just sat in bed and cried. I had already doomed my daughter. I was trying so hard to keep her healthy and I had failed. She wasn't even here yet and I had already failed. Failed. Failed. For those first few hours, the only word that came to my head was "failure". I sent a text to my mother-in-law to ask if she was home and if I could come over. Thank goodness she was home! I went over, walked through the door, and fell apart. Since my father-in-law is diabetic, she knew a lot about diabetes and was able to give me a lot of info and suggestions on what I could eat. She has also planned a day of fabric shopping with me for a quilt for the baby. I needed her more then I can ever express and I'm so blessed that she was there. I love her so much!

In the next few days, I had been contacted by the hospital and set up to meet with a nurse and dietitian. In meeting with the nurse, I was concluded that due to genetics, there was nothing I could do to prevent this type of diabetes, but since I already had a very healthy lifestyle, there would only be small changes to manage it, mostly changes in my diet, just basically what and when I ate certain things. This, however, proved to be more difficult because I had been on a "snacking" diet for months to control the heartburn, and now I was being switched to a three large meals and three small snacks diet.

Also, I learned that being active regulated blood sugar, so I amped up my workouts. Before, I would do about fifteen minutes of yoga and then play/chase my dogs around, so after I found out that being more active would help, I continued to do my previous routine as well as an additional fifteen minutes of cardio, pregnancy safe, of course.

I was doing so well! I was feeling good (except that I was always feeling hungry), and my nurses and dietitian were applauding my work in controlling my diet and exercise as well as doing it without the aid of the insulin pill or insulin injections.

Then, I got another bought of bad news.

Now, when I had met with my dietitian, she told me that I was a little underweight for a pregnant woman at my gestational age. I didn't think much about it because she didn't make too big of a deal about it. I should have seen it coming.

I went to my baby doctor appointment where I found out that I was severely underweight and in three weeks had lost an additional six lbs as well as measuring two weeks behind where I should be. This scared me badly again. The doctor told me that he understands that it'll be hard, but I need to gain weight quick and if I haven't improved much by the next time I see him, we'll discuss my options. That was it. That's all he would tell me. "Discuss my options". Terrifying.

So, I've been packing on the fatty proteins and it seems to be working! I've gained almost one pound as of last week and I'm confident that I can do this!

I'm glad that I didn't blog while I was in the moment. I feel like it would have been a little more negative. It's always better when you process things and take the time to think things over. If anything, I've learned that I'm a lot stronger then I gave myself credit for. Before, I couldn't handle the thought of a needle coming close to me, and since then, I've had to insert a needle to test my blood sugar anywhere from 4-6 times a day to make sure I'm still healthy. I can do that without hesitation now. I've also learned that the Lord is mindful of me. He may have given me things that I thought I could never do, but He hasn't given me anything that I haven't been able to do yet without the help of family, friends and Him. I feel really empowered by that.

So there it is, my big update. The next big thing? Putting the nursery together. We have quite a bit to do, but hey, if I can survive this, what's a nursery, right?